Damn I hate this cheap cock-knocker and I don't even know him!!!!

Dylan And I went to Tobaccoland tonight and as we walked into the humidor, we squeezed by this cute blonde buying cigars for her boyfriend. The store manager was giving her some help but after a while she turned to me and asked me if I knew anything about good cigars." ma'am I am here to serve" I thought to myself. I proceeded to give the eager neophyte a thorough but quick orientation to the world of cigars. I apparently was doing such a good sales job, the manager ducked out of the humidor and went about her dusting duties. CB (cute blonde) asked Dylan if he was old enough to smoke and he mumbled something and we continued with the lesson. She had a ten pack of Don Diegos and a pack of Ashton's in her hand. I gently guided her to the Montecristos and told her these were the top of the line. She said" My boyfriend usually smokes White Owl" to which Dylan replied "He smokes those gas station brands??!" We looked down our noses and shuddered. I told her this is a good way to introduce him to the better cigars so he won't have to smoke dogshit again. (I left out the part about the dogshit) She proceeded to tell us that not only was he getting cigars but she rattled a package in my face and said "Jewelry too!" Then she drops the coup de grace "I'm going to buy him some Scotch as well" " That motherfucker!!!" I thought "He gets Scotch, jewelry, good cigars and probably a blowjob. He's a cheap cock knocker!. I hate him!!!"
She danced out of the humidor and after I picked up a few Quorums and a Montecristo ( damn, he gets the best! So why not me?) Dylan and I went to the register. CB proceeded to quiz me about good Scotches and I told her "Get anything with the first name "Glen"'( but not Thompson!). She thanked us for our help and I told her "I hope he appreciates all this and if he is ever mean to you we'll kick his ass!" The manager rang her out and it was forty three dollars and eighty seven cents! She went on out the door and we just looked at each other.
We rang out and walked into the mall. "Forty four dollars worth of cigars, Glen whatever Scotch, jewelry and she'll probably fuck his brains out! I hate the cheap cock knocker!" I ranted as we moved down towards the bookstore. I kept repeating these figures to myself. $44 dollars in cigars and a good hard fucking- will this prick be impressed?? Does he even deserve this ?? Is he an undeserving asshole?
Hey you! yeah, you with the Glenfidic on your breath, the new jewelry, the Montecristo cigar and the lipstick on your fly. How was it? To show your gratitude you should wash the dishes for at least a week and go see about ten chick flicks!